I haven't ever told anyone my age before now, so I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything to anyone. I haven't even told Carver my age, althou...h he has asked a couple of times. Jon, I love you and Sally with all my heart and soul, and I will not choose between my love for you and my love for Carver. Yes, I love him, but if he won't listen to reason, I will not marry him. My place is with you and Sally, and there is no one who will ever come between us. I will talk to Carver again, but. My life was consumed by work and meetings.The only sexual gratificatin I enjoyed was at my own hand.When doing so,however,many times I would activate thoe memories of my sexual experiences with men.(few and breif as they were)One day, an old ‘so called friend’ turned me onto crystal meth. This was one drug I had never done, so it\’s buzz to me was rather intruiging. Sexual activity was still far form my mind and I was injesting it only via smoking it. Then, one summer day while taking in the. On my way there, I happened to catch my reflection in a long mirror,hanging on the back of the front door. Reflexively, I brought my handsup to cover my breasts as I stared at the chubby girl in the mirrorlooking back at me. How had I sunk this low? And was Amanda, once thelove of my life, back at our home, laughing over the thought of me beingravaged by her obnoxious, manipulative son?It was too much to think about at the moment. I started to grab twobeers - I sure could have used. At the. Remember, you are dust and to dust you shall return."I received the blessing, hoping I wouldn’t burst into flames for blasphemy. Instead, for some reason, it comforted me. I felt safe and protected with this ancient sacred symbol smudged upon me. After the night I had last night with the mysterious stranger, I needed this spiritual ritual to bring me back to reality. I kept telling myself it was all just an illusion. People didn’t just vanish in a flourish of fabric and a flicker of lights..
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